Why is it?

Why is it that I forget all the provisions of God in the past? I moved a week after we had twins. Josh and the twins were 15 months apart. It ended up being a blast. Were there days I wanted to pull my hair out? Of course there were - but those were actually quite few and far between. Why am I freaking out that God might give us another set of twins? How can I forget his goodness so quickly? How can I forget that just like he wanted and planned for us to have the girls, he has wanted and planned for us to have the next child/children.


Why is it that I forget all the ways God has provided for us amazingly in the past? It's not like this has only happened to people we know. It's happened to us. But with a potential $20,000 bill looming before us (it's more if you have twins), how can I forget that he's provided that much for us before (granted, never all at once - not even close, but if you total up all the little things - I'm sure it comes to much more than that). I feel like we've been slowly living out the sell all your possessions and give to the poor verse in Acts, but I know that's not true - it's my own perception of the situation - we still have furniture, clothes, a house, tools, and two vehicles. Granted, just about everything else we've sold in this process, but did we need those? Have we missed them - I'd be lying if I said, "no." But, God's in control. This is the verse he gave us at the beginning - I see now that it was as a bit of a warning, and by the end, we may have to sell everything to give to whatever poor children God brings into our lives to raise and care for. He's going to provide. I have to remember that.

Why is it that financial stresses cause you to see the ugliness of your own soul so clearly? Is it because for most of us, our god is truly our money? I never thought mine was, but as we've sold precious thing after thing to pay for our little one(s), I realize how much those things meant to me.

Why is it that it's harder for me to do this for a child I've never met? Is it because you usually get 9 months where they are living in you, and you feel them move? There's an end in sight - you know about when they are coming. The planner in you can plan. With adoption, this doesn't exist. There's no time frame. There's no knowing, there's a constant sense of is this the time? Will I have a new baby in my house next week? Or will it be next year? I can't imagine how much more this would consume me if we didn't already have three precious little ones. For me, it's not a matter of - please come quickly as much as it is - can I handle this when they come?

Do I know God's in control? Yes. I do. But, for those of you close to us, you know that there's been a lot more going on in our lives than just the adoption, but an open blog is not the place to write about those things. I have to confess, I feel like our world is spinning out of control. I know that God is in it - but finding him through these times can be a bit difficult. I trust him. I really do. That is in the depths of my soul, like an anchor. But that trusting doesn't provide direction, and so, it's a good thing that it is an anchor because this ship has been tossed around a lot lately and that's all we've got holding us on.

"Unknown." It's a hard place to be. But, it's where we are. God knows these things, and he's in control. That's where he is. Here's praying we see a little clearer where he is, and put a little less focus on where we are.

***God is amazing. As I was reading over this post, I heard the pitter patter of little feet. Is Josh supposed to be out of bed? No...of course not. But, seeing those big brown eyes, and that adorable little guy in p.j.'s come around the corner made my heart just leap for joy. I granted him some "grace" - no punishment. And I remembered all the reasons I'm excited about another child(ren). I love being a Mommy. Will having another one(s) this close be tough? Yeah. No denying it. I have no idea how I'll grocery shop or do my couponing. But, man, they'll melt my heart :). God is good.***

***Realized also, I only posted this on Facebook. The mom of the twin girls chose a family from Southern California. BUT...the caseworker in Mississippi asked if she could pass on ours and some other profile books on to a mom of twin BOYS in Mississippi. Craziness - but good.***

Another presentation - that we actually know about...

Well, Matt and I continue to be presented. We only find out about the ones where there is a question as to whether or not we would like to be presented. We're not sure what the result of the June 3 presentation was - guess we'll find out she either didn't pick us or decided not to go through with it by default if a lot of time passes. The BIG news though is another presentation that should be happening in the next few days. And I'll be honest, I'm a little freaked...depending on when you ask me is whether or not that freaked is freaked excited or just panicked. I keep reminding myself - Cease striving and KNOW that HE is God. He knows what he's doing.

Enough of that - here's the news. On May 8, (yes, that would be ONE day after the girls' first birthdays) two little black twin girls were born AT HOME with their momma in Hattiesburg, MS. The mom tested positive for marijuana, but the girls received a clean bill of health. On May 27, she decided to give them up for adoption and they were placed in interim care, but a suitable home has not been found within the network of the MS prospective adoptive parents. This is either because of the situation or because the birth mother rejected those choices. SO...our case worker asked us if she could present us. We prayed about it and felt like we should be presented.

So...that's what's happening there. There's no reason to think that she'll pick us from all the national profile books she'll be presented with. But, the reality is really setting in...if for some reason she does - do you realize we could be driving down to Mississippi in the next few weeks to pick up TWO BABIES??? And those babies are only 1 year and 1 day younger than my girls? Again, trying not to dwell unless she happens to pick us, but I'll be honest, not doing a great job of that right now.

And here's the big prayer request. We haven't been able to apply for adoption grants yet because we don't have our official home study paperwork yet - it's been completed, but it takes a while for it to be compiled, approved by the state office, and then sent back to us. However, our case worker's done her part, so we're being presented. I'm getting a little antsy because if we get a placement BEFORE applying for these grants, we're not eligible to apply for some of them. So, I'm going to talk to Erin today and see if I can pick up an official copy from her office here in Raleigh rather than waiting for the state office to send me the copy. So, pray that goes well.

That's us...a little rattled, and a little shaken at the reality of all of this, but excited about what God's going to do. And also wondering if this goes through where in the world I'd be able to get a quadruplet stroller for free :).

A BIG DAY!!!

Hey all!

Sorry it's been a hectic few weeks! BUT...drum roll please - mark your calendars - our profile books are being presented to a birth mother on June 3! Now, that doesn't mean she'll pick us, and even if she does, it doesn't mean that it will come through. But...we're out there for people to choose! We can't believe it! We're so excited, and can't wait to see what God's going to do - or rather I guess I should say - we're excited to WAIT and see what God's going to do :).

In other news...KARISSA'S WALKING!!!! She took her first steps yesterday, and today...she walked across the room again and again! Yippee! Now, Kathleen needs to catch up, but she's been so sick poor thing that I don't seen that happening anytime soon :).

Voddie Baucham on Adoption Anxiety

I found this post on Voddie Baucham's blog, (click here to read it on his site and see an adorable picture of his new little one) and it was so good that I thought I'd put it up here for you guys to see:

After adopting Elijah, Asher, and Judah, I have become increasingly aware of high levels of anxiety among Christian families considering adoption. This anxiety seems to stem from misinformation-- not misinformation about the adoption process, the finances involved, or the tough work of assimilating children into one’s family-- this misinformation is theological in nature. There are those in the Christian community who have raised concerns about adopting children due to generational curses, family sins, and/or familiar spirits attached to adopted children. This is disturbing on many levels. Let me address three: The universality of sin, the blame game, the priority of parenting, and the power of the blood of Christ.

A number of well-meaning saints have asked me, “Don’t you worry about generational curses, or familiar spirits that you may be inviting into your home? This is quite an ironic question for at least two reasons. First, my wife and I (like most couples) come from a long line of sin and dysfunction. If anything, I should have been worried about generational curses on the children we bore more than those whom we adopt. Moreover, all human beings are born in sin (Psalm 51:5). We all have a sin nature (Romans 3:10). This question seems to suggest that there are some wonderful church-going women out there who give birth via immaculate conception! Who am I to think that my wife and I gave birth to children who are free from baggage, but those whom we adopt are somehow ‘unclean’ compared to our biological children? That would be pure arrogance on our part.

Second, this thinking is ironic because it is often based on a misunderstanding, or a misuse of Scripture. Some have taken the Lord’s admonition in the second commandment out of context. The text says:

“You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. “You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.” (Exodus 20:4-6; cf, Ex 34:6, 7; Num 14:18, 33; Deut 5:9, 10; 1Kin 21:29; Jer 32:18)

Some have taken this to mean that there are ‘generational curses’ that follow children throughout their lives. While it is true that my sin impacts my children (especially when they see me do it), it is not true that they are cursed, or doomed to repeat my sins.

We must read these texts in light of what the Bible says about this issue in places like Ezekiel 18.

“Then the word of the LORD came to me, saying, “What do you mean by using this proverb concerning the land of Israel, saying, ‘The fathers eat the sour grapes, But the children’s teeth are set on edge’? “As I live,” declares the Lord GOD, “you are surely not going to use this proverb in Israel anymore. “Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is Mine. The soul who sins will die.” (Ezekiel 18:1-4)

The soul who sins-- not the son of the soul who sins-- will die. The Lord is addressing the very misconception that currently plagues some in the Christian community, and sometimes discourages many from engaging in the ministry of adoption.

God most assuredly fulfilled this warning when he sent Israel into captivity (as well as other places). However, we do not see a wooden rule here. There is no one-to-one correlation. Isaac did not commit ‘every’ sin that plagued his father Abraham. Nor did Solomon repeat every evil thing that David did. Were there sinful patterns in these families? Of course there were. However, there was no one-to-one correlation. This is similar to the issue the disciples raised with Jesus concerning the man born blind (John 9). Toward the end of Ezekiel 18 the author puts an even finer point on the matter. He continues:

“The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son’s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself. “But if the wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed and observes all My statutes and practices justice and righteousness, he shall surely live; he shall not die. “All his transgressions which he has committed will not be remembered against him; because of his righteousness which he has practiced, he will live. “Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked,” declares the Lord GOD, “rather than that he should turn from his ways and live?” (Ezekiel 18:20-23)

I have met so many Christians who are in bondage over these issues and I wish I had the time to walk every one of them through this chapter. Some are terrified because they are divorced, or alcoholic, or irresponsible with money, and they ‘know’ that their sin is going to plague their children and their children’s children for three to four generations. Others sit on the opposite end of the equation and look at the sins their parents and grandparents committed and fear that they are generation three or four, and not five (the generation that gets the automatic get out of sin free card according to the erroneous reading of the text), and thus have no hope. However, if they are in generation 5 for divorce, they may only be generation two for alcoholism... Do you see how oppressive this is?

THE SIN BLAME GAME

Another major problem with this adoption anxiety is its tendency to perpetuate what I call the sin blame game. If we represented the anxiety view in the form of a syllogism, it would read as follows:

The sins of the fathers continue for 3-4 generations

I am generation 2 for ‘this’ sin

Therefore, my children and I ‘will’ continue the cycle.

Thus, according to this logic, if I am cursed, then I am neither able to resist, nor am I responsible for my sin; I’m just doing what I am destined to do. Or, one could ask, why should I employ biblical discipline with my adopted children (or my biological children for that matter) since the methods in the Bible are impotent in the face of generational sin? This kind of thinking would almost require us to rewrite several Bible verses:

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him (unless he has a generational curse). (Proverbs 22:15)

Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol (unless he has a familiar spirit). (Proverbs 23:13-14)

The rod and reproof give wisdom , But a child who (has been adopted from the wrong family tree) brings shame to his mother. (Proverbs 29:15)

The sin blame game also affects the way many Christians view themselves. There are middle-aged men with defeatist attitudes because they struggle with sin that they attribute to their biological parents who gave them up for adoption. Thus, in a society where an overwhelming number of men struggle with pornography, some men believe the root of their struggle is generational sin passed down from their biological parents whom, in some cases, they have never even met! What about the millions of other men? What about men whose fathers did not have the struggle?

I am not arguing that there is never a family issue here, but I am saying that family issues are no excuse. My adopted sons are going to struggle with many of the same issues as do other men in our society. They will have to avert their eyes from scantily clad young women; they will have to resist attractive ads for alcohol and the allure of drugs. These are realities in our society. My adopted children are also likely wrestle with their identity later in life (as do my biological children). They may have tough days ahead as they try to figure out why they were “given up” (a term adoptive parents despise) by their biological parents. They are going to have to be disciplined, corrected and redirected. However, if I am looking for generational curses and/or familiar spirits behind every conflict, I’ll go crazy and start telling people DON’T ADOPT... THEY COME WITH BAGGAGE!

THE PRIORITY OF PARENTING

Another issue that must be addressed here is parenting. I would not suggest that all adoptive parents who have significant issues with their approach to parenting, however this issue cannot be ignored. Our churches are filled with parents who haven’t a clue when it comes to child training and discipline. As a result, many parents who are reaping the harvest of their bad parenting assign the blame in the wrong place. Sometimes all of us have to look in the mirror when we want to find the root of certain behavioral patterns in our children’s lives. I know I do.

Children who are indulged will be spoiled and ill-mannered whether they were adopted or not. Children who do not have clear boundaries and consistent correction will be out of control even if they have the best ‘genetic’ and/or spiritual background. We must take this into account when we hear adoption horror stories. Remember, most of the little tyrants we see driving their parents crazy in the grocery store were not adopted. However, they certainly inherited their tendencies from their parents... Adam and Eve.

THE SUFFICIENCY OF THE BLOOD

Some people have suggested that the main problem with adoption is that we don’t know the name of the particular spirits we need to oppose or ‘bind’ in our children’s lives. To that I say, which Jesus are we serving? The Jesus whom I serve is able to save to the uttermost.

“This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1John 1:5-7)

My adopted children (like my biological children) need to be saved. Jesus’ blood is the only thing that can wash them clean. He turns men into new creatures, causes old things to pass away and be replaced by the new (2 Cor 5:17). My Jesus does not save in sections; he saves completely.

DON’T BE SCARED TO SERVE

My biggest concern with this adoption anxiety is that it seems to suggest that we should limit the offer our home, our hearts and our help to children whom we know will give us minimal difficulty. “I’ll take the one who will comply, but you can keep the one who may struggle with rebellion or identity in an institution, or with non-Christians who are better equipped to minister to them.” I know this is not what we mean. However, this is often the end result of our adoption anxiety. In the end, there are only a few guarantees when it comes to adoption:

1. I can guarantee you that adoption will cost you something: If you choose to adopt a child it will cost you time and treasure.
   

2. I can guarantee you that adopted children will have struggles: Every adopted child will struggle in some way with his or her place in your family and in God’s plan.
   

3. I can guarantee you that adoption will teach you more about salvation than just about anything you could do: I will never look at passages like Ephesians 1:5 the same way again.
   

4. I can guarantee you that adoption will change a child’s life: We will not know this side of heaven how adoption has impacted both Elijah, Asher and Judah. However, we know their lives have been set on an entirely different trajectory than they would have been had God not seen fit to send them home with us.
   

5. I can guarantee you that adoption is an indispensable pro-life act: I do not believe that every Christian is called to adopt children. However, I do believe that it is critical for us to give young women alternatives when we plead with them to give their babies life.
   

VB

Timing...

Okay, so I was doing some looking around at some adoption websites, and I stumbled across the information that you see posted to the right on the blog. As of now, the adoption tax credit will expire in December 2010. I'm not sure what all this means yet, but I do know that if it does, then that could be yet another reason why Matt and I felt like we had to start the adoption process now. I can't imagine what will happen to the number of adoptions both domestically and internationally if that tax credit is allowed to expire. So, please contact your federal senators and representatives. Here's how to find out what their contact information is: http://www.usa.gov/Contact/Elected.shtml

All the money in the bank for the home study!

Whew! God is SO incredible the way he works!!!! We haven't gotten the bill for the home study yet, but all the money for it is in the bank! It has been AMAZING to watch the Lord take our doubting hearts and teach us about his provision and to have faith that he truly does own everything. Again - AMAZING. The last bit of money came as a blessing from two sweet friends - and God in his desire to get the most glory...had them give EXACTLY $120. Isn't he just great? I'm amazed by his love and provision for his wayward-hearted children :).

Next step, we turn in our profile books, fill out new financial statements (Bethany came out with some new ones in between when we filled out our paperwork and now - so, we're going to turn those in as soon as our case worker gets back from vacation), and then within the month, we'll be presented to prospective birth parents. I can't believe it!

Now, on a totally different note, and this blog is about our adoption so I've refrained from anecdotes about my current adorable kids - but I can't resist sharing a few cute statements from my two year old over the past few days.

1. The girls have been repeatedly getting into the cabinet with the DVDs, and we've been working on training them not to do that. So, I was changing a diaper, and I hear Josh telling Karissa when she opens the door: "No, ma'am. This is just ridiculous. Go get another toy. No, wait, I'll get you another toy." At which point he proceeds to go and get her a toy to keep her from getting in any more trouble. I just died laughing as I heard him parroting my words :).

2. Kathleen was pitching a fit at the table while we were eating lunch. So, Josh says, "Mommy, Kathleen misses her Daddy. That's why she's crying." I said, "Oh, really, I think she's just ready to get down." Josh: "No, Mommy. She misses her Daddy." Me: "Oh. I see. And do you miss your Daddy?" Josh: "Yeah. But I'm a big boy. I'm not crying about it." SO CUTE!

3. Josh spilled some rice that he wasn't supposed to be playing with on the floor, so...Karen: "That's why I told you not to play with it. Now Mommy's going to have to sweep it up once I finish what I'm doing." I go back to my task and all of a sudden I hear clunk, clunk. And here comes Josh with the broom. Josh: "I'm sorry Mommy. I made mess. I clean it up. I sorry."

I love 2 1/2!!! His verbal skills are just leaping forward and he cracks me up! Well...enough of my I love my kids posting :).

Treasure Locations

So, wanted to update you guys on the latest news on our adoption front. Can I just say that this whole process has been such a stretching time for us. God has definitely been showing us the areas of our heart where we are so depraved. And it has not been a pleasant unveiling. So, let me walk you guys through the last few days of our conversations with the Lord so that hopefully you guys can benefit from our transparency and be amazed as we are at God's provision.

Two nights ago, Matt and I were praying and the Lord laid two verses on our hearts. First, the kingdom of God is like a man who found a treasure hidden in a field who went and sold all he had to buy the field. And also, do not store up treasures here on earth where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal, but store up treasures in heaven (my paraphrase on both of those). So, where did that lead us? We realized that we had been waiting for God to pour out blessings of money from heaven through others to provide for our adoption like he did with the manna in the wilderness. And that could still be how he provides for us. BUT, God began to show us that we were holding on to some treasures here on earth and not laying up treasures in heaven. I had always seen myself as not sentimental or attached to things. Hey, I was a missionary. I put all my belongings in four suitcases 9 years ago, and didn't collect a lot while I was serving. But, it's amazing how many treasures we've collected over the past 6 years of our marriage. So...where did that take us? What are our treasures? What did God want for us to give up for this adoption?

For me, I have two things that are priceless to me (and pricey in the eyes of the world :) - my really nice sewing machine, and a really nice camera. And God showed me that they were treasures. So, through a few tears, we posted them on Craig's list last night. For Matt, when his father died, he inherited all of his tools. They remind him of his father, they are his inheritance. But, God gave him Scriptures about the fact that God has given him an eternal inheritance, much more precious than this earthly one. So, he's going to sell a couple of the larger tools. And he's also selling two instruments, and a digital recording ministudio. We realized that these were things that stood between us and adopting our son or daughter. We realized that this was not the time for manna from heaven - though that time may come - this was the time for sacrifice on our parts to demonstrate to the Lord that we were truly in this. We would sacrifice anything for our biological children - no questions, no hesitation. And God was asking us - why would you not sacrifice for your adopted child? If we were having trouble paying for me to deliver at the hospital - Matt and I would stop at nothing to see our child safely brought into this world. God showed us that we needed to have just that much commitment to our next child. He did not spare anything for us - his adopted children - to the point of the blood sacrifice of his own "biological" child.

So, that's where we are - items posted and waiting. And do you want to know the amazing part? Tonight, after our obedience (which we are still going to follow through with), someone who used to question the timing of our adoption, gave us $700 towards the cost of our home study. So now, we only have $120 left. Isn't God amazing? Sacrifice + manna from heaven. We are in awe of our amazing God, and it is such a privilege to share this with all of you.