Use your wedding dress to share the gospel

I listened to the president of Moscow seminary last night speak about one of the ministries that his students and graduates are doing. Many of these female seminary students were orphans themselves, and so they have a passion for the 700,000 thousand children in orphans in Russia. Most of the girls who leave the orphanage at 15 or 16 end up as prostitutes because they have no way to support themselves. The seminary received 12 wedding dresses from a boutique here in the US that was closing down. They have taken these dresses and started an amazing ministry where they are able to use them regularly. See below for what Sascha has to say about what they are doing:

The story of a boutique store donating 12 wedding gowns to the Moscow Seminary (www.moscowseminary.ru) is evolving! Not only every wedding gown has been worn (many times over!) by actual brides – female students of the Moscow Seminary (none of whom could afford a dress as they would either come from a single Mom family or be orphans). But also, students of the Moscow Seminary would conduct events at orphanages in Russia at which 12 orphan girls aging anywhere from 9 to 16 would have a “Future Bride” experience – we call it “Inside of White.” The point of the event is to encourage orphan girls to keep themselves pure, hence – white. Then orphan girls are being promised the Jesus Christ will give them an even whiter wedding dress and that that heavenly wedding will last not just for one day but for eternity. In the beginning of the event orphan girls are being given “pearl” bracelets and told that they are a precious pearl in the eyes of the Lord. In the end of the day, when wedding dresses are being collected, the orphan girls are told that they can keep the bracelets as a reminder of Christ – and they cry, CRY, C R Y … We are excited about you willing to be involved in this ministry outreach – we are doing it TOGETHER, to God be the glory!

I am donating my dress so that they can add more orphans to this evangelistic tool that shares the gospel and gives these girls hope for a pure future with a God that loves them more than they could ever hope or imagine. I am just ecstatic that a dress that was so special to me but that I will never wear again can be used over and over again to give these precious girls hope. Especially since Russia has closed the option of international adoption for these precious children. If you would like to donate your dress, you can send it to the following address:

Evangelical Christian Seminary
ulitsa Chicherina, dom 10, korpus 2
Moscow, Russia 129327


And see below some of the amazing pictures that they have taken at these events.

Over four months

I know that I am WAY overdue on this post. We moved onto a working farm in the middle of harvest time when Isaac was a week and a half old. My life for 2 months consisted of 6 am mornings (with plenty of middle of the night feedings :), take care of my kids and nieces for an hour or two, and then start processing the first of the buckets of produce coming in from the garden. It was a lot of fun, but a lot of work, and then I'd go to bed around midnight. I definitely could not have done it if it wasn't for the fact I had not actually delivered Isaac.

After those 2 months, honestly, I'd just gotten out of the habit of the internet. And I had more time with my kids and to do so many other things that I didn't miss it. I kept telling myself I needed to write this post, but then I'd do another sewing project that had been in the wings for the last 2 years instead. Or, I'd tackle that cleaning/organizing project I'd been putting off instead. Now however, my daughter Kathleen decided to climb out of her pack-n-play during nap time yesterday, and when I came in she was showing Karissa how to do it too. When I put her back in, she promptly climbed up to the top again and started to fall over to "get down." At which point, I pulled out the mattresses I'd made to go in them (2 cribs and a twin bed won't fit in their current room that they are sharing), and they are on the floor now - much sooner than I had hoped. So, I'm sitting here during nap time finally writing this post because now it seems VERY productive to do this as I teach them (make that Kathleen how to stay on a mattress during nap time)...we'll see how this goes :).

So, on to the last four months, Isaac, etc. Isaac is SUCH a joy. I love him so much. I am so fortunate that I have been able to nurse him, however, I have had problems after having emergency gall bladder surgery last month. But, that has been such a blessing. I loved him from the beginning, but truthfully and honestly, that love was a more distant kind of love than I felt when I first held my biological children for the first time. Looking back, I think as much as I loved him by choice, I think he felt more like a precious nephew to me than my own son, just because he was so new. I hadn't carried him for 9 months. I loved him as much as my other children, but the connection between us hadn't formed like it has now. Now, he really, truly feels like my son, just as much as Josh does. He makes me laugh and we have a history and memories now. He is so much more than my precious baby. He's my son.

Adoption has been such a blessing. But even if there's an instant connection, you need time to really forge a bond with your adopted child, and they with you, even from infancy. When you are pregnant, you have 9 months to forge that bond and feel your child move. With adoption, you receive a precious child, already born. So, I think that's been a good realization for me, especially if or when we adopt again. At the beginning, you choose to think of this child as yours, you choose to give them all the same rights and privileges as your biological. And then, over the next few months or years, that choice becomes a fact of life that you feel in your mind and heart as strongly as you do your others if you have biological.

So, that's been where we've been on the adoption front. We've had one more meeting with Isaac's birth mother that went really well, and we're hoping for a second one soon. We've also had 2 follow-up post placement visits as well. Both of those went really, really well and we enjoyed seeing our social worker again very much.

I hope that at least gives a little bit of information on us. I hope you also enjoy the pictures!

Why do I doubt and reminders of God's perspective from the mouth of babes

So, today was not the idyllic glow that has been with me after each of my previous children were born. Instead, it involved lots of tears of - how are we going to pay for this? Did we make a mistake because we sure don't have enough money to pay for this and our bills? What is God doing? So, through all the tears, I lost my perspective. And I was driving out to Mary Kathryn's to drop off the kids and talking to my husband about all my fears, and God gave me the most wonderful blessing. I got off, and my two year old son said, "Mom, where are we?"

I said, "Sweetie, we're on our way for you to play with Julia, Ella, and Asher."
Josh: "Why Mommy?
Me: "Well, because a little bit later today, Mommy's going to go to the hospital and pick up baby Isaac. Won't that be nice for when you get home?"
Josh: "Mmm...hmmm. Mommy, did you know that Isaac is a blessing?"

At this point, I almost wrecked the van (not literally) through my tears as God used Isaac's big brother to remind me that perspective was totally skewed. Instead of trusting, instead of rejoicing, there I was trying to solve all the problems of the world and forgetting the blessing of the child that we are bringing home with us today. Thank you Lord for the mouths of 2 year olds.

And, God is amazing. Our loan did not come through in time, so I went to the bank this morning to find out what we could do...and lo and behold, God knew all along what we needed. Because I went IN to the bank, I got a different loan than I had been pre-approved for before with a much better rate - AND we only have to pay interest on it if we wanted to (obviously, we'll want to put as much as we can on the principle) until the federal adoption tax credit comes in. Isn't God AMAZING?! WHY, oh, WHY do I doubt his goodness and his provision.

Be praying for me tonight though. Pray that I will be able to nurse Isaac since this will be the first time that I will be able to try. Pray for my emotions to be held in check and for me to remember that this is not yet fully our child until Tuesday. We love you all!

Tomorrow - we bring home a baby!!!

August 1, 2009 - 10:35 pm - Isaac Michael Nathaniel (hopefully soon to be) Lytle was born. What a wonderful birthday present to my mom (the first is also her birthday). We got to meet him today, and he is SO good looking! He weighed 5lbs 14 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. He has a head of dark hair and the most beautiful eyes! We love him already. His birthmother terminated rights this afternoon, and unless something goes wrong tonight, he should be discharged tomorrow morning. And, if the birth mother does not change her mind, he will be officially "ours" August 11. WHOO HOO!!!!! I can't believe how quickly this has gone through!

So, what happens now is that Isaac will be discharged into Erin's (our case worker) care. We will follow her over to the Bethany office where we will pay $14,500 (YIKES!) and sign paperwork and then...we take him home!!!!

I can't really even put into words what we are feeling right now. It's so surreal. And we're excited, but not giddy. I don't think I'll be giddy until August 11, because until then - while he's semi-ours, he's not officially ours until then. Until then, it's almost like I've been entrusted to care for, love, and provide for someone else's child. I don't know - maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow when I bring him into the house - we'll see. I don't want that to sound like I'm not thrilled he's here. Because I am - I'm just still cautious.

But, this brings us to the next bit of news...apparently the plan in our household is that when the newborn is one week old - you move. Yes, that's right, you heard me. Just like with the girls, we are moving 1-2 weeks after Isaac is born. Matt has taken a job in Winston-Salem (that would be last FRIDAY) and we're moving not this Friday, but the next. ARGH!!!!!!!!! I never finished unpacking THIS house! But, it's a wonderful provision of the Lord that we believe he is a part of. I'll have to tell you more about that in a later post. Just pray for this craziness.

So, on to other stuff. Obviously, we're paying out $14,500 tomorrow. This all happened so quickly (the birth mother selected us 3 weeks ago) that our loan actually did not come through in time. So, we can put part of it on a credit card (not what we wanted to do obviously - but it's a temporary solution), but the rest we're paying out of pocket which will leave us really, really tight. So, I'm going to post everything we're selling on the blog too (most of it's already on Craig's List or Ebay) - if anyone's interested in any of it - please, feel free to let me know and we'll be HAPPY to part with it :).

1999 Taylor 710CE Drednought Guitar - $1600

Kitchen Cart - $65

Front-Loading Washing Machine - $800

Antique Oak Table - $50

Herb planter set - $5

Pasta Making Set - $75
Kitchen Caddy - $10Oak TV Trays - $20 for set

Mirror - $25
Still in box - Martha Stewart Rosette Mirror - $25
Antique Type Tray - $10
Picture of preacher surrounded by saints and Jesus as he preaches - inscriptions says: Legacy - Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses - $25
Shelf - painted to look like mosaic - $5
Another mosaic shelf - $5
Placemats - set of 4 - $5
Placemats - Set of 4 - $5
Placemats - Set of 6 - $5 (one has a pull in it)
Table Runner - $7
Waverly set of placemats and napkins - $10
Twin quilt and and pillow sham set - $25
Bud Vase - $2
Monogram plates (J, M, K) - $2 a piece
Handmade tray that you can weave ribbon and greenery through - $35
Office desk lamp (halogen) - $5
Hat box - $2
Globe - $5
Little decorative suitcase - $2
Humidor - $65
Kitchen Organizer - $15

Second Meeting - WAY overdue...

Okay, so, we had our second meeting with the birth mother this last week. It went good and bad all at the same time :). How's that for an ambiguous first statement? It's taken me this long to write it all down because of craziness of life (I'm traveling with the kids right now) and because I had to have a long conversation with our case worker a few days after the meeting before Matt and I felt like we could move forward in good conscience. Now, we're back to being totally on board, but since these are nuances of adoption you just don't think about, I'll try and share all the pertinent details.

First, from the birth mom's perspective (at least what we could tell) it seemed like everything went great. She told us she had no doubts whatsoever about us adopting her child. And she was really excited that we would be raising him. So, so far so good. We got to meet her first son, her mom, and see her sister again. However, during the course of the conversation, we found out several things that just gave us pause. The big thing was the conversation about how open this adoption was going to be. Matt and I felt like as we were talking to her we were coming from totally different points of view about the openness of the adoption. And we just didn't know how to handle that. We are open to an open adoption, but that can look SO different depending on the circumstances. The two statements she made that made Matt and I kind of freeze in our tracks were that once her transportation situation was taken care of, visits wouldn't be a problem even if one day we didn't live in the same town, and then she gave us her phone number to work out the logistics of visits in the future. At this point our wonderful case worker stepped in and said, whoa, just a second - if you give that information, there also needs to be something called an openness agreement that is signed before we go any further. So, thank you so much Bethany!

This is probably very confusing if you don't know certain details about the way domestic adoptions work, so let me pause here and give a bit of a heads up. Basically, in America, you can have a closed, semi-open, or open adoption. And these types of adoptions are decided at the placement, and the type cannot be changed without going to court to change the status. In a closed adoption after the birth mother looks at profile books and the adoption is complete the adoptive family and birth mother part ways and they are totally anonymous to the other one. They cannot contact each other, and the only way that contact can ever be reestablished is if once the child is an adult he/she posts information about themselves to an adoption network, and the birth mother also looks and sees that and asks to be matched. So, it's a big deal and both sides have to be looking for the other one. In a semi-open adoption, the agency acts as intermediary the rest of the child's life (or at least until he's 18). So, letters and gifts can be exchanged, but no identifying information is ever given. Visits cannot continue to occur post placement (there may be a few visits allowed with the agency representative present, but I can't remember for sure). An open adoption on the other hand allows the adoptive family and the birth mother an opportunity to continue a relationship throughout the child's life. There are enormous benefits to this because the child is never left wondering what his/her birth parent was like - he knows. In an open adoption, last names can be given, and any other kind of identifying information. So...back to the visit...

When Erin (our caseworker) handed us the openness agreement, both Matt and I kind of froze because (and I know they covered this, but it was not something that stuck) we couldn't remember what that meant. And honestly, we would never give out our last name, addresses, phone numbers to a stranger, and we were sitting there going, I know we're going to raise your child, but you're still a stranger to us. So...that led us to the long conversation with Erin a couple of days later where among other things (the visit raised a TON of questions for us - mainly because as we get further in the process we realize just how many more we have to ask at this point). And, talking to her, as always, made us feel 100% better and we were behind the open adoption again. Basically, the way an open adoption works is that you sign an openness contract with your agency and so does the birth mother. All this means is that if you CHOOSE to disclose identifying information to each other the agency is not held liable. So, that was a HUGE relief - Bethany will never give out our information, but WE are allowed to determine what information we give out. So, the beauty of that is, we can grow into a relationship with this birth mother. We can start by giving her our cell phone number to make sure we can get together and do our visits, and from there we can determine what's in the best interest of our children and her as well. So, that's the really cool thing about an open adoption. It gives you options. It can grow with the relationship. For Matt and I what this means is NOT that we plan on having the birth mother over for dinner once a week, but it means that if one day we wanted to we COULD. It's really incredible how far adoption has come in the last 50 years.

So, that's our latest there. We're still just waiting on the little guy to come into this world!

Meeting the Birthmother

Sorry this is so late coming, but we left immediately after meeting the birthmother and went to the beach for 2 days with Matt's mom. Josh and Kathleen LOVED it! It was amazing! I thought Josh would be scared of the waves and we'd have to coax him into it. Instead, we had to keep telling him not to go out so far! He LOVED it! And Kathleen was the same way. She spent most of her time crawling all in the surf and dying laughing everytime it came up over her hands and knees. She didn't even really freak out when it would splash her in the face - I think that's more because of how much she's gets splashed in the face in the bathtub by her brother! Karissa on the other hand was running a fever, so anything that required her not clinging to Mommy the whole time was not what she wanted to do. So, we'll see if she's as much of a beach baby as her brother and sister are another time :).

But...on to other important things. The meeting on Wednesday with the birth mother went AMAZING. I was so nervous that morning that I was literally sick. But, my wonderful sister called me on the way there and helped me realize that as nervous as I was, the birth mother was probably 10 times more so. And she reminded me that I had nothing to lose, but the birth mother had a huge decision to make and everything to lose. So, it was a really good reminder. She also encouraged me that I had a wonderful opportunity to share the love of Christ with someone without condemnation and to show kindness and compassion instead of censure which is unfortunately the most common thing that unwed mothers receive from the church. So, can I tell you how thankful I am for my sis?After that conversation, I won't say all my nerves were settled, but I definitely had an adjusted perspective.

So, we got there, and I'm not going to list all the details of the conversation just because that wouldn't be fair to the birthmother because I haven't asked her permission to share these things. But, it was an amazing, amazing time. Matt and I left with SUCH a peace. Whatever happens, we know God is in this. My basic impression of this precious lady and her sister (who has come with her as a support through all of this - reminds me of my sis :) is that this is not a light decision that she has just randomly made. The mom and her entire family have put a LOT of thought into this decision. It is not a decision that is just being made on a whim. Her questions really showed how much she really loved the child that she was carrying but knows that she can't care for. (I'm tearing up just thinking back on it). She wanted to know about our parenting styles, goals for our children, discipline methods, how involved we were in our church (she's a Christian), how we planned on talking to her son about the adoption, were we okay with her seeing him around Christmas and around his birthday each year, and her sister asked if we minded her being there as well. But throughout all of it, she made sure that we knew that she knew that she was giving up all of her rights, and she approached it as would we mind if she could still have some time with him because she still loved him and she wanted him to know his brother (she has another son). It was just amazing.

After she finished, we asked her our questions. Ours were:

* Can you tell us a little bit about your first born?
* Is there anything special she'd like to send with her baby that's just from her?
* Can we have pictures of her to include in the baby book?
* Is there a letter that she wants us to give him when he's older that will explain everything to him, or would she rather do that in person when she sees him?
* Are there special events, places she went, things that she did that she'd really like to be sure he gets to do as well?
* Were there any songs that she sings/sang to her first born when he was a baby that she'd like us to sing to him?
* Were there any special things they did during holidays that she'd like to be sure that he does?
* Can we pray for anything specifically for her and for her firstborn?
* Is it okay for us to have him give gifts for Christmas and birthdays to her and her son?

She couldn't believe that we were actually willing to let her still be a part of his life. I know that that may seem scary to those who have either had a negative experience with an open adoption or those who have only heard of it through Lifetime :). But, you would have had to meet this mom. We are truly okay with this as long as the situation stays as it is now. That is only God working in our hearts, let me tell you. But, this mom is amazing. And the most amazing thing about this whole process is that Matt and I are truly okay with if she changes her mind about this adoption. We think she would be a good mom and that the problem is external factors and past choices not curent ones. So, the impression we left with was - if she is actually able to go through with this (and as far as I'm concerned, she has every right to back out - I couldn't go through with it) we think with as well as the meeting went, she'll let us raise her son. But, she's going to keep her son for the two days she's in the hospital, and she could easily change her mind as soon as she sees his sweet face. So, we have more of a peace than we've had through this entire process. And it just seems right somehow down to little details.

Her favorite vacations as a kid that she'd love for him to experience too were camping and a few trips to the beach. That was what we planned on doing already. She would love for her son to experience farm life because they were raised in the country - my parents have a farm. She couldn't believe that my sister had red hair because her sister does too (she's a brunette). It's just little things. And it could still not be the actual child that we are given to raise, but it was a wonderful, wonderful meeting.

So, the next meeting is this coming Wednesday evening at Pullen Park with all of our children. So, pray that that goes well. It's at 6:30. Pray that our kids are well behaved :). Pray that we can get to know her better. Pray that we can get to know her son well. Just for a peace.

Thanks guys! I can't believe we're here! By the way, the baby's due date is August 4! BUT...she went early with her first born - so...anytime!

We've been selected...

Whew! I can't even put into words what I'm feeling right now. A little bit overwhelmed, a lot excited, and a little bit scared. Again, words are escaping me right now. So, I'll just start at the beginning.

Erin, our case worker left us a message this morning and asked if we could call her back because there was a birth mother situation that she wanted to discuss with us. Matt wanted to hear to, so I did a three-way call so we could all talk (I was pretty proud of my use of technology :). A birth mother has been visiting all of the different adoption agencies in Raleigh, and before she signed on with anyone, she wanted to view profile books so that she could have more options of families to choose from. And after she saw ours, she chose us! So, she's now signed on with Bethany as a birth mother. She is 35 weeks pregnant with a little boy. So, at this point, our profile book has been pulled from circulation with other potential birth parents, and she'd like to meet us. We'll meet with her sometime the week of July 13. If all still looks good, we'll continue until we take the boy home or she changes her mind (which she can up until 7 days after she terminates her rights - which is usually a few days after she's gives birth).

I can't believe it. We started being shown June 3. It's only July 3. That's ONE month! We were on the phone with our case worker for a while and she shared all the details of both the mother's pregnancy and the condition of the baby. But (and please don't think we're covering up something terrible here - because there's not) we decided a while ago, that any details of whatever child's past we received we wouldn't share. I only write this here because it's a blog about adoption, and I wanted to share some of our thoughts here.

With a previous birth mother we were presented to the situation was a rape situation. We started thinking about what we would tell the child about their father and from there wondered what if anything we would tell our family. Now our families are wonderful, but we didn't want to them to have to deal with that knowledge if that birth mother selected us. Can you imagine if one day our child had asked them to tell them about their biological father? The easiest thing on them would have been to not have that information. Also, so many times our perception of someone is colored by information we know about our past. This is so true with family. Someone can meet our sibling when they are all grown up and that person thinks they are the most with it together person in the world. (My sister actually happens to be which is always amazing to me). But, if you're family, you know the history and you know that they weren't always the way they are now and it colors your opinion of them. Can you imagine only knowing a few facts about someone and then actually starting to get to know them from there? First impressions can make or break you. So, we decided that if that previous birth mother had selected us then for the sake of our child and the sake of our friends and family, we would present our child to them as just that - our child - because that's all that truly matters after the child is ours.

I don't know if any of the previous paragraph makes sense. And I never meant to post that in the same post as "we've been selected." But, as I've called people today to let them know they want to know everything because they are so excited for us. And we want them to ask. We want them to be interested. But, there's been a few times we've paused before we answered the question or didn't answer portions of those questions. It's gotten us thinking again about how many details of our child's life before he comes to live with us will we share. The answer is - probably not many. That doesn't mean we're hiding horrible things. What it means is, we want people to see him for what he is - our child. You know us. Therefore, you know our son and how we'll raise him, and those are the thoughts we want in people's minds when they look at our son one day. So, please ask away. Be cautiously excited with us - she could still DEFINITELY change her mind. Just know that we might defer some of the questions but we don't mind you asking :).

We're excited!!!!