Meeting the Birthmother

Sorry this is so late coming, but we left immediately after meeting the birthmother and went to the beach for 2 days with Matt's mom. Josh and Kathleen LOVED it! It was amazing! I thought Josh would be scared of the waves and we'd have to coax him into it. Instead, we had to keep telling him not to go out so far! He LOVED it! And Kathleen was the same way. She spent most of her time crawling all in the surf and dying laughing everytime it came up over her hands and knees. She didn't even really freak out when it would splash her in the face - I think that's more because of how much she's gets splashed in the face in the bathtub by her brother! Karissa on the other hand was running a fever, so anything that required her not clinging to Mommy the whole time was not what she wanted to do. So, we'll see if she's as much of a beach baby as her brother and sister are another time :).

But...on to other important things. The meeting on Wednesday with the birth mother went AMAZING. I was so nervous that morning that I was literally sick. But, my wonderful sister called me on the way there and helped me realize that as nervous as I was, the birth mother was probably 10 times more so. And she reminded me that I had nothing to lose, but the birth mother had a huge decision to make and everything to lose. So, it was a really good reminder. She also encouraged me that I had a wonderful opportunity to share the love of Christ with someone without condemnation and to show kindness and compassion instead of censure which is unfortunately the most common thing that unwed mothers receive from the church. So, can I tell you how thankful I am for my sis?After that conversation, I won't say all my nerves were settled, but I definitely had an adjusted perspective.

So, we got there, and I'm not going to list all the details of the conversation just because that wouldn't be fair to the birthmother because I haven't asked her permission to share these things. But, it was an amazing, amazing time. Matt and I left with SUCH a peace. Whatever happens, we know God is in this. My basic impression of this precious lady and her sister (who has come with her as a support through all of this - reminds me of my sis :) is that this is not a light decision that she has just randomly made. The mom and her entire family have put a LOT of thought into this decision. It is not a decision that is just being made on a whim. Her questions really showed how much she really loved the child that she was carrying but knows that she can't care for. (I'm tearing up just thinking back on it). She wanted to know about our parenting styles, goals for our children, discipline methods, how involved we were in our church (she's a Christian), how we planned on talking to her son about the adoption, were we okay with her seeing him around Christmas and around his birthday each year, and her sister asked if we minded her being there as well. But throughout all of it, she made sure that we knew that she knew that she was giving up all of her rights, and she approached it as would we mind if she could still have some time with him because she still loved him and she wanted him to know his brother (she has another son). It was just amazing.

After she finished, we asked her our questions. Ours were:

* Can you tell us a little bit about your first born?
* Is there anything special she'd like to send with her baby that's just from her?
* Can we have pictures of her to include in the baby book?
* Is there a letter that she wants us to give him when he's older that will explain everything to him, or would she rather do that in person when she sees him?
* Are there special events, places she went, things that she did that she'd really like to be sure he gets to do as well?
* Were there any songs that she sings/sang to her first born when he was a baby that she'd like us to sing to him?
* Were there any special things they did during holidays that she'd like to be sure that he does?
* Can we pray for anything specifically for her and for her firstborn?
* Is it okay for us to have him give gifts for Christmas and birthdays to her and her son?

She couldn't believe that we were actually willing to let her still be a part of his life. I know that that may seem scary to those who have either had a negative experience with an open adoption or those who have only heard of it through Lifetime :). But, you would have had to meet this mom. We are truly okay with this as long as the situation stays as it is now. That is only God working in our hearts, let me tell you. But, this mom is amazing. And the most amazing thing about this whole process is that Matt and I are truly okay with if she changes her mind about this adoption. We think she would be a good mom and that the problem is external factors and past choices not curent ones. So, the impression we left with was - if she is actually able to go through with this (and as far as I'm concerned, she has every right to back out - I couldn't go through with it) we think with as well as the meeting went, she'll let us raise her son. But, she's going to keep her son for the two days she's in the hospital, and she could easily change her mind as soon as she sees his sweet face. So, we have more of a peace than we've had through this entire process. And it just seems right somehow down to little details.

Her favorite vacations as a kid that she'd love for him to experience too were camping and a few trips to the beach. That was what we planned on doing already. She would love for her son to experience farm life because they were raised in the country - my parents have a farm. She couldn't believe that my sister had red hair because her sister does too (she's a brunette). It's just little things. And it could still not be the actual child that we are given to raise, but it was a wonderful, wonderful meeting.

So, the next meeting is this coming Wednesday evening at Pullen Park with all of our children. So, pray that that goes well. It's at 6:30. Pray that our kids are well behaved :). Pray that we can get to know her better. Pray that we can get to know her son well. Just for a peace.

Thanks guys! I can't believe we're here! By the way, the baby's due date is August 4! BUT...she went early with her first born - so...anytime!