Why do I doubt and reminders of God's perspective from the mouth of babes

So, today was not the idyllic glow that has been with me after each of my previous children were born. Instead, it involved lots of tears of - how are we going to pay for this? Did we make a mistake because we sure don't have enough money to pay for this and our bills? What is God doing? So, through all the tears, I lost my perspective. And I was driving out to Mary Kathryn's to drop off the kids and talking to my husband about all my fears, and God gave me the most wonderful blessing. I got off, and my two year old son said, "Mom, where are we?"

I said, "Sweetie, we're on our way for you to play with Julia, Ella, and Asher."
Josh: "Why Mommy?
Me: "Well, because a little bit later today, Mommy's going to go to the hospital and pick up baby Isaac. Won't that be nice for when you get home?"
Josh: "Mmm...hmmm. Mommy, did you know that Isaac is a blessing?"

At this point, I almost wrecked the van (not literally) through my tears as God used Isaac's big brother to remind me that perspective was totally skewed. Instead of trusting, instead of rejoicing, there I was trying to solve all the problems of the world and forgetting the blessing of the child that we are bringing home with us today. Thank you Lord for the mouths of 2 year olds.

And, God is amazing. Our loan did not come through in time, so I went to the bank this morning to find out what we could do...and lo and behold, God knew all along what we needed. Because I went IN to the bank, I got a different loan than I had been pre-approved for before with a much better rate - AND we only have to pay interest on it if we wanted to (obviously, we'll want to put as much as we can on the principle) until the federal adoption tax credit comes in. Isn't God AMAZING?! WHY, oh, WHY do I doubt his goodness and his provision.

Be praying for me tonight though. Pray that I will be able to nurse Isaac since this will be the first time that I will be able to try. Pray for my emotions to be held in check and for me to remember that this is not yet fully our child until Tuesday. We love you all!