Friend and Family Responses

Several of our family members have questioned how we have come to this decision – first, to adopt in general, and second, how could we be considering this now.

So, while we have spoken or are going to speak with each person individually, I thought it might be a good idea to share some of the Scriptures God has given us – both on adoption and on timing. Because while it may cause me to bristle at the questions – they are spoken because they love us, and while I may feel like it’s a misplaced concern – it is still concern.

The point of this blog is to share this journey so that either those who are planning to adopt, or those who know people who are planning to adopt can understand the process a little better. So, today I thought I’d tackle friend and family responses. This is in no way meant to be derogatory to the people that love us and have concerns. Our letter that we sent out would have been 10 pages long if I had included all of this process in it.

So…to begin. After the initial ‘the girls are 6 weeks old, and God’s telling me to start the process of adoption’ conversation with my husband, we went through and looked up every verse on adoption, orphans, and fatherless in the Bible. I’ll include those in a future blog because this is going to be way too long as it is. But, what we came away with was that God is for the fatherless. It’s interesting because while there is not a direct correlation between orphan and fatherless in Scripture – the same language is used of both. I’m not making a statement against single moms here, but we would do well to realize that there is a need for the child of a single mom to receive help in ways that a child would not need to receive help if there was a father in the picture. In the Old Testament, they were to receive financial help (something we should definitely do) but also they had a special place in God’s heart. If you wronged the orphan/fatherless, you received a special wrath from God. And interestingly enough in the reasons for the captivity of Israel, mistreating the fatherless and widows was in there.

So, that was our premise for why we felt like we should adopt. God had laid this on our hearts as more than an intellectual knowledge. We could not get away from it. And so, while the thought terrified us, we knew that if we did not begin to pursue this process, we would be in outright rebellion against the Lord. And one of the Scriptures that God gave us during this time of questioning was Psalm 84, and I’ll just give you part of one verse for the sake of space: Psalm 84:10a For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. And that was our desire – we wanted to dwell within God’s ‘courts’ within his will as opposed to spending any time outside of his will.

But, that doesn’t answer the question of timing. Many people feel like they should consider adoption at some point, so our next quest was ‘why now, God?’ And for this you’ll need to trust us a little more because no, we did not get a “go forth and adopt today” Scripture, but I think if you read through this, it will give you a better understanding of how we came to be sure that this was indeed the timing.

We have come before the Lord 3 different times (and those are just the ones that I can distinctly remember) asking him (not necessarily doubting, but knowing we had to have no will of our own in this and we had to be certain that he was leading since it made very little logical sense) for his will as far as timing. The first one was when we turned in our preliminary application with our first set of money. And God gave us Deuteronomy 26: 12 “When you have finished paying all the tithe of your produce in the third year, which is the year of tithing, giving it to the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, so that they may eat within your towns and be filled…” While this may seem like a random verse, it spoke to our hearts because 1) it was right where we were reading in our quiet times (i.e., we didn’t go looking for it), and 2) it was the third year of our starting of our family. Please don’t think that I’m trying to yank this out of context, but it was confirmation to us that God was still calling us to minister to the fatherless, and since we had approached this time of prayer and fasting with a question about timing, we felt like God had confirmed it to us.

The next time of pursuit of God’s will, where we felt like we needed another confirmation from him was before we turned in the formal application with more money. There are several reasons that we kept coming to him multiple times: first, we needed to be open to the fact that we could have been wrong. We didn’t want to doggedly pursue this without coming before him to be sure we were still heading in the right direction. And also, we have never had the money to pull this off. We had to be certain before we put out money that we weren’t starting something that we couldn’t finish. Now, logically, we cannot finish this adoption process. We can’t afford it. Period. But, the Scriptures that God gave us this time were quite specific. It was Matthew 6:19-34. I won’t type out the whole passage, but basically we felt like God was telling us not to store up our treasures here on earth, and that adoption was a way of pleasing God and storing up treasures in heaven. That passage also ends with not serving money, but serving God.
And then, because God knows our wayward hearts, the next passage was so poignant. Be anxious for nothing, for God will supply your needs. And I will type out the next few verses: (30-33) “But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” So, we sent off the next check and the formal application.

Next came the mountains of paperwork for our home study. And it was time to send those off, and to sign a contract with Bethany. So, we approached the Lord again. This time, it wasn’t really in anxiousness; it was more for prudence to confirm, yes, we are to continue this process now. And the Lord gave us Psalm 82: 3-4 “Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” Again, right where we were reading. So, we sent of the contract and the mountains of paperwork.

And for several months, we waited. And then, we got the call for the home study. And to be honest, I was scared to death. It’s been a hard path to walk trusting in the Lord when you don’t have the money to back it up. Up until then, it had been a well, it’s in the future, but God has been good and he will provide. And he has, but not for the whole thing by any stretch of the imagination. But, God knew our hearts and that they were fearful, and so friends of ours (who shall remain nameless) gave us a check for $1000 and another set of friends committed to give us $50 a month until our baby comes home. God knew we needed something a little more tangible this time and he was so gracious to provide it in a monetary way. But, it’s been scary. You don’t want to make a foolish decision, but even more than that, we didn’t want to be out of the center of God’s will. So, that’s where we are. And I have no doubt that God will provide – just not early.

So, that brings us to the final passage God gave us. This was in regards to – do we go forward without the money to finish this at this time. And the Lord gave us Ezra 5-6 (thank you women leadership of North Wake for this timely bible study!). In Ezra 5, Haggai and Zechariah prophesy to the people of Israel to begin to start building the temple again. And you know what really spoke to Matt and me? They did it without permission from the king. They didn’t know if he would stop them or not, but they stepped out in faith and did it. And that was our confirmation that now was the time. That we were to step out in faith and do it. And Ezra 6 was such an amazing chapter. King Artaxerxes not only endorsed their rebuilding, he paid for it and gave them more than they could have ever hoped for.

So, that’s our journey. I know this was incredibly long (now do you see why I didn’t include it all in the letter?) But I hope this helps someone else who is or will go through this process. Because it’s a major leap of faith, but God is good, and he is faithful to walk us through the process.